Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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