I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
