I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
this hospital has no fireball
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
