kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
