am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
