Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
