The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
