he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
40s are totally the cure
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
