I hate all girls vehemently.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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