if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
