I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We need to rekindle our bromance
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
