I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just want nice things and good sex
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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