it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
