My brain says no but my pants say off.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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