I smell stomach acid.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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