I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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