Cold hands, warm shart.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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