I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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