omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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