we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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