Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
