I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
