Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
