I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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