Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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