im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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