ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
