How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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