then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
