there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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