One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
