I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
