went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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