Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just found puke in my bra..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
