Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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