OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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