Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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