its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I will die if light touches me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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