All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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