he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
