I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
