theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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