Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I understand Curling. That high.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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