sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
