Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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