if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
