tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
