i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
