if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize