Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
