he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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