It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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