I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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