i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
