Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
