bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
