Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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